It was 93 degrees here in San Diego today. After getting up at 4:00 AM to go into the office and continue work on the largest proposal effort I'll touch in 2009, I came home to spend time with my son, Jalen.
He and I watched the A's/Rays game, a little bit of the Padres/Giants tilt (San Diego got a hit, Vig! I think they won the game!) and then, after a father and son road trip to 7-11 for a nutritious Wild Cherry Slurpee and a Nestle's chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, we went outside and actually played some baseball.
Jalen likes to pretend he's the Oakland A's. He'll hit right-handed like Matt Holliday or left-handed like Jack Cust and he even strikes out like everyone else in our goddam lineup. Meanwhile, I have to be whatever team pops into his head. Today, for example, he insisted I play the role of the National League All-Star team. I am not making this up.
The point, again, is that is was 93 DEGREES outside. We were out there for 90 minutes as I tried to remember my imaginary National League All-Star team batting order by the third or fourth "inning". But, whatever…I indulge his fantasy because it's baseball and we've been doing this every Sunday for several months. Even though, he NEVER lets ME be the A's.
I was feeling pretty proud of myself – mostly for the 10 pounds I sweated away this afternoon – but, partially in appreciation of being a parent. I looked forward to settling in for the evening, when I walked in on Jalen watching the below commercial:
When it ended, Jalen turned towards me, cackled manically and punched me in the stomach as hard as he could while reciting butchering the ad's tagline. It was a testament to my physical superiority over the boy that his punch only dropped me to one knee.
Homer Simpson (calling into the nuclear plant): "You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. I told you! My baby beat me up! No, it is NOT the worst excuse I ever thought up."
(1) After the introduction of young Ellie and Carl – a tomboy adventurer and her apprehensive new friend, respectively – there an absolutely bee-YOO-tiful sequence (without a lick of dialogue) that shows the two getting married, living their lives and constantly putting their biggest dream on hold. I can't remember ever seeing so much hope and heartbreak crammed into a minute-and-a-half, but there ya go.
(2) The "Russell" character hit all the right notes with me. His exuberant earnestness could've been written as the trite foil to the much older Carl, but he's given a bittersweet backstory that makes the words "My mom loves that game!" into one of the best lines of the movie.
(3) I'm a sucker for the "epilogue" sequence that follows most Disney/Pixar films. There are some especially satisfying payoffs here for those of you willing to stick around for a few minutes of closing credits.
Three Things I Didn't Like:
(1) There's a Pixar short film that runs before the feature presentation. Partly Cloudy FINALLY answers the age-old question of "where do babies come from?", but not even the sticky sweet ending could save this unnecessarily abrasive piece of animation. And, this isn't one of those "hypersensitive parental reactions to cartoon violence". I just didn't dig it.
(2) OK…this is one of those "hypersensitive parental reactions to cartoon violence". Did we really need the villain chasing the good guys with a shotgun in the climactic sequence?
(3) Mrs. Bootleg and I are doing our best to ensure that Jalen does not grow up with his father's irrational fear of distaste for dogs. The good people at Disney/Pixar are NOT helping with the numerous scenes of snarling dogs cornering the heroes while the ominous score throbs in the background.
I've received this link to the Transformers 2 FAQ from a half-dozen different friends and/or readers in the past 48 hours. It is quite the awesome read – and chock full o' spoilers, by the way. Personally, I freakin' HATED the first one, but the sequel appears to have somehow managed to up the suck into a new stratosphere.
With the buttery imitation-maple deliciousness of BK's French Toast snacks still tickling my tongue, I set off on one of my patented scavenger hunts of gluttony last weekend in an attempt to find ALL the junk food flavors under the Burger King brand name.
The good people at my local Rite-Aid had both the Onion Rings and the Ketchup & Fries flavors available (in $2.19 large bags, only) so, of course, I bought both. And, when my heart explodes at 40, I'll have no regrets.
My first thought while admiring the BK "Onion Rings" were Frito-Lay's Funyuns – one of the few members of the junk food family that I don't especially like. Funyuns' gritty texture and "doesn't taste like any goddamn onion I've ever eaten" faux flavor simply don't do it for me.
Thankfully, I was able to set aside my preconceived ersatz onion ring prejudice. BK's Onion Ring Flavored Snacks are thick and crisp with a WAY more authentic onion taste than Funyuns and a light, creamy finish. Admittedly, I don't have the most sophisticated palate in the blogosphere, but it sure tasted like BK's attempt to recreate the flavor of their glorious onion ring dipping sauce.
On the other hand, the Ketchup & Fries Flavored Snacks were up against a much higher standard. Y'see, in America's never-ending quest to compete with Canada on health care, hockey relevance and the Hart Foundation, Lady Liberty had lost her way. As readers of this lightly-read blog now know, it's Lay's Ketchup Chips that turned Canada into a world power to be reckoned with.
BK's Ketchup & Fries are textured like strips of Pringles with a dusting of mild ketchup flavors. These weren't bad, but they lacked the tanginess of the Lay's version which left my fingers a ruby red mess. A friend of mine made the obvious comparison between American vs. Canadian potato chip ketchup flavoring and American vs. Canadian beer alcohol content. I am now stealing that quip for my own unfunny purposes.
Grade (BK Onion Rings): 4 (out of 5) Calories: 110, Fat: 6g (per 1 oz. serving)
Grade (BK Ketchup & Fries): 3 (out of 5) Calories: 150, Fat: 8g (per 1 oz. serving)
The Oakland A's traded RHP Ryan Webb, RHP Craig Italiano and a player to be named later (who'll almost certainly be RHP Sean Gallagher) to the San Diego Padres for OF Scott Hairston.
I don't get this trade. I mean, I didn't "get" the acquisition of Matt Holliday either, but at least he was an All-Star caliber player in Colorado brought to Oakland by our boy-genius GM in a foolhardy attempt to contend.
Here are Scott Hairston's career numbers entering the 2009 season:
PA: 1,056 BA: .246 OBP: .303 SLG: .453
And, here are Scott Hairston's numbers this season:
PA: 216 BA: .299 OBP: .358 SLG: .533
Hairston, 29, is a low-ceiling outfielder whose significant body of work prior to 2009 indicates some serviceable talent (.893 OPS vs. LHP in his career), but an otherwise unexceptional player. And, I know us light-skinned bruthas are supposed to stick together, but I gotta call 'em as I see 'em.
Predictably, most of my fellow A's fans can't look past Hairston's 2009 season and are convinced that he's "coming into his own" and "an upgrade to our offense". In reality, Hairston played out of his mind in April (.390/.468/.756) and while his numbers since May 1 (.276/.327/.474) aren't anything to sneeze at, he still isn't hitting RHPs all that well.
More discouraging is his batting average on balls in play (BABIP), which is hovering around .350 at the moment. BABIP is one of those esoteric stats that tends to normalize over the course of a long season with .290 considered "league average". Simply put, Hairston's "breakthrough" is the product of the hottest eight-week stretch of his entire career.
What really gets me is that the A's are just a few warm bodies shy of being able to field an entire team of offensively-limited outfielders. Hairston brings the exact same skill set to the plate as guys like Travis Buck and Aaron Cunningham who the A's have absolutely buried at Triple-A. Ryan Sweeney and Rajai Davis are speed and defense players who won't make anyone forget the all-natural power stroke of Jose Canseco, either.
A straight RF platoon with the left-handed Buck and the right-handed Cunningham could've provided a bump to the offense, while moving Jack Cust's sh*tty glove to permanent DH duty.
That the A's are giving up nothing of consequence (Webb's allowed more than 11 hits per nine innings in his last three minor league stops; Italiano was drafted in 2005 and still hasn't risen above Single-A and Gallagher…heh, well good luck that gutless load, San Diego) isn't much of a consolation.
Then, again, what do I know? Hairston homered off of Josh Beckett in his first Oakland start earlier this evening. Maybe he stays hot and the A's will flip him for more league average talent with steep platoon tendencies.
Hard to believe it's been five years since Taco Bell introduced their "Big Bell Value Menu" to the masses. In a brilliant bit of "marketing that now seems obvious", TB chose to put the promotional focus on the portion sizes ("I'm full!") instead of the prices. These menu items were not to be confused with McDonald's one dollar teeny double cheeseburgers.
The 2004 fast food rookie-of-the-year came from TB's new value menu, as their take on the Beef n' Potato Burrito was born. Potatoes in a burrito aren't uncommon, but for Taco Bell this was quite the break from their familiar food offerings. Ground beef, seasoned chunks of fried potatoes, red sauce and sour cream? If I'd had this lightly-read blog back in '04, the Beef n' Potato Burrito would've earned a perfect score. (Ditto for the now-discontinued Grande Soft Taco – two flour tortillas with nacho cheese sauce spread between them, then folded and stuffed with twice the meat along with lettuce and cheddar cheese. Glorious.)
So, can Taco Bell improve upon perfection by adding bacon and nacho cheese sauce to the already-awesome power of the Beef n' Potato Burrito?
Well, they come pretty damn close.
The bacon's saltiness blends well with mild seasoning of the potatoes. The sour cream – for once, not scooped on with a shovel – is a nice mix with the nacho cheese and ground beef. And, we've already established the beautiful union of ground beef and potatoes in a Taco Bell tortilla.
This is a very good burrito, but the entireties of the components don't quite connect.
I hate to be the one to blaspheme at the altar of fast food, but the close proximity of ground beef and bacon just might be meat overkill. Meanwhile, the mix of bacon with nacho cheese is tasty enough, but not to the degree it should've been.
The above critiques are explicitly nitpicks, but the original Beef n' Potato Burrito raised the bar for all other Taco Bell beef and potato-based burritos. I think it's high time we accept that there'll never be another Michael Jordan.
That doesn't mean we can't appreciate Kobe or LeBron.
Current Record (thru June 30): 32-44 June Record: 13-15 GB – AL West: 10.5 GB – AL Wildcard: 12.5
(1) Mazzaro World - In Spring Training, there were whispers that 22-year-old Vin Mazzaro would begin the 2009 season on the big league roster. Instead, he was sent to Triple-A to work on his secondary pitches. After posting a 2.38 ERA in 56 IP at Sacramento, Mazzaro was called up to start against the White Sox on June 2. He didn't give up a run in 6.1 IP and picked up the win. Mazzaro won his next start before the A's offense scored just four total runs in his next four starts combined. While his record is only 2-3, Mazzaro pitches with an awesomely obnoxious swagger (can you believe he's from New Jersey?!) without any of the deer-in-the-headlights looks that super-hyped young A's starters Trevor Cahill and Brett Anderson have shown almost all season.
(2) STBU - OF Travis Buck had a solid rookie season in 2007 (.288/.377/.474 in 82 games) but has struggled mightily at the plate ever since. And, once you're in GM Billy Beane's doghouse, you might as well start having your mail forwarded there. In '09, Buck has played sporadically as a 4th outfielder and hasn't hit (.666 OPS) when given the rare start. On May 29 he strained his oblique. The next day he publicly proclaimed himself healthy, but the A's still put him on the DL. Anywhere else, upper management would get roasted if they jerked players around like the A's. Buck hit .350/.423/.550 in 17 games while on a rehab assignment (that turned into a formal demotion), before being recalled on June 29 – too late to make that night's game. The next night…Buck was right back on the bench.
(3) Geren Gots to Go - I'm one of those guys who believes managers don't have a whole lot of impact on a team's won-loss record. If we exhumed the remains of Connie Mack and his Nate Dogg hat, I doubt his bones could coax a winning season from this somnambulant A's squad. Manager Bob Geren seems completely flummoxed with how to lead a team with such an absence of chemistry. He gives too much deference to the veterans – handing clutch at-bats to ciphers like Nomar Garciaparra. He's got no feel for young players and may single-handedly obliterate our bullpen by the All Star Break. Most egregiously, even when the A's play their worst, he refuses to kick this team in the ass publicly or privately.
(4) Emperor Beane Has No Clothes - I'm not one of those message board trolls who hates everything and everyone, but HOW has GM Billy Beane escaped almost any and all scrutiny for cobbling together such a lackluster team? While I wasn't expecting anything close to a division title this year, Beane actually torpedoed his own rebuilding plan to bring in disinterested loafers like Orlando Cabrera and the aforementioned Giambi and Garciaparra – three guys who barely register a pulse as they go through the motions. Meanwhile, it's increasingly clear that the "quantity over quality" deals for Nick Swisher and Dan Haren have yielded an overflowing crop of 4th outfielders, 5th starters and "potential".
(5) The Year was 1989 - From June 22-24, the A's hosted the San Francisco Giants as part of (the increasingly irrelevant) interleague play. The featured promotion for the three-game series was to be a celebration of the 1989 World Series championship team, including a reunion of the A's who made up that roster 20 years ago. To the surprise of none of us who know and love this team, the A's completely mishandled the event. Depending on who you believe, the team (1) barely gave a month's notice to the members of the '89 team, which resulted in less than half of the champs even showing up; (2) only scheduled a reunion/celebration after seeing how classily the Giants – Oakland's opponent in the Series that year – pulled off their own anniversary party; (3) allowed the media to dictate the narrative for the evening (in order: Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire and why so few former A's showed up). Read here and here for more details.
(6) "Hello? Mrs. Pommelhorse? I'd like to get down now!" - The A's are averaging around 18,000 fans per game. This, of course, isn't the actual attendance as most nights there don't appear to be 5,000 people in the seats. Last month, the A's used Facebook to push $7 field level seats (nearly a 75% price reduction!); invited pop star Jordin Sparks for a postgame concert and – shockingly – actually had to discount 2nd level seating prices for a game against the rival Giants. The padded attendance numbers aren't getting much play, but NO ONE is coming out to see this team. Last week, the team announced a 4-game ticket plan. For every game that the A's win as part of this plan, the team will give ticket holders seats to a future A's game. We're at "Defcon Montreal" here, people.
(7) Over & Out, Man. - On June 19th, my son and I were in attendance at San Diego's PETCO Park for what turned out to be Josh Outman's last start of 2009. He left that game with what was described by North Korea's news agency the A's medical staff as a mild flexor-extensor strain. As usual, this was just a superfluous medical smokescreen by the team, concealing an even worse malady. Outman had Tommy John surgery about a week later. He was a legitimate candidate for the All-Star Game (4-1, 3.48 ERA, 53Ks in 67 IP); a proponent of old-school stirrups and easily the least attractive starting pitcher since the heyday of Zane Smith.
(8) We Still Drive a Gio - Gio Gonzalez was recalled from Triple-A to replace Outman on the roster. He lost his first two starts, yielding 17 hits in 8.2 innings, before shutting down a hacktastic Indians team yesterday. He's pretty much a two-pitch (fastball, curve) pitcher and refuses to challenge anyone inside. Seriously, take a drink when he goes 2-0, 3-0 or 3-1 on a hitter. Take a shot when he grooves a get-it-over fastball across the middle of the plate. And, pound a warm Natty Light whenever Gonzalez starts fidgeting with his cap, wiping terror sweat from his nervous brow and/or hyperventilating.
(9) I No Longer (Heart) Jack Cust - I've previously explained why Cust is the most polarizing player on this team. He's been the A's best hitter each of the last two seasons ('07 OPS: .912, '08 OPS: .851). But, Cust also strikes out a ton (361 Ks in the past two seasons) and is one of the most comically inept fielders in recent baseball history. I've defended him because he's been one of the best players in the league at NOT making outs, but his productivity has almost completely evaporated in 2009. He'll never hit for average, but his once-impressive OBP is down to .315 this season. Since May 15, he's hit .180/.258/.365. Cust is notoriously streaky, but the A's seriously need to consider moving him if/when he gets hot. Players with his skill set don't age well (Johnny Gomes and Sam Horn are his top two comps on baseball-reference.com) and the game is moving away from the "Fred Flintstone" type of players the A's have always been fond of.
(10) Don't Let the Door Hit You… - The Matt Holliday trade didn't make sense last November and now we can definitively say it was an epic bust by GM/boy genius Billy Beane. The stat-heads, almost in unison, swore up and down that there'd be little to no impact on Holliday's numbers while playing everyday outside of Coors Field. On the other hand, I said there would be an impact and cited his career-long road numbers in comparing him to Phillies sparkplug Shane Victorino. This year, Holliday's OPS is about 20 points behind Victorino's. There are even some in the know who believe Huston Street (traded to Colorado for Holliday) has more trade value right now than Holliday. Watching him play at 80% effort in a pathetic attempt to preserve his body in advance of free agency is a story that would be all over the place if he played in a real baseball town.
